Bizarre Ideation (From Dr. Deke's Childhood)
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This section, named after the nature of its content, contains various stories and anecdotes from my childhood which I find humorous. Click on the title of an incident to read the full story.

Voidwear Prohibited!
Written 10 March 2021

As a young child, I remember hearing rapidly-spoken lists of disclaimers at the end of TV and radio commercials, things along the lines of "no purchase necessary, some restrictions apply, void where prohibited". Naturally, given my age, I didn't understand that some places had anti-gambling laws which prohibited the contests which were typically the subject of these disclaimers, but I had heard similar-sounding terms in the world of clothing: sportswear, swimwear, and so on. So, naturally, I just assumed that these disclaimers were saying that a type of dress known as "voidwear" was prohibited. As in, people dressed in voidwear were prohibited from entering/winning/etc the contest. I didn't really have a solid idea about what manner of dress might be meant by voidwear, but I guess I was at least somewhat aware of the meaning of the word void at the time, because I did sometimes wonder whether voidwear might have been a euphemism for being in the nude. And that made some sense to young-me; plenty of companies would probably not be thrilled to be giving prizes to naked people. Might not be good publicity.

Bulls of Art
Written 28 January 2004

When I was little, I remember hearing people talking about something called a "Boulevard." However, I had never heard of the word "boulevard," and I thought that people were saying "Bull of Art" instead. As in a noun, a bull of art.

I wasn't exactly sure what a Bull of Art was either, but I had theorized that maybe it was a bull (the animal) as depicted in a work of art. As in a painting of a bull, a photograph of a bull, a sculpture of a bull... You know; a bull of art. I don't remember when I found out that the word was actually boulevard, but I'm sure it came as quite a surprise.

Do Not Open... Until, TUESDAY!!!
Written 15 December 2003

Tuesday, Doomsday, what's the difference?
[Read Story]

2:30 on Channel 9 or 3:30 on Channel 17
Written 15 December 2003

The Smurfs used to come on TV twice a day, and I wanted to make sure to watch it at the comforting time of day, not the scary time...
[Read Story]

The Cardboard Box
Written 13 December 2003

Sometime when I was in early elementary school, I acquired a large cardboard box which I put in the basement and used as a toy house. But this was no ordinary cardboard box toy house. Over time, additions were made to this house, including a second story, an electronic thermostat, an electric variable-speed forced-air recirculating heating system, and a central air purifier...
[Read Story]

Take it, to the stomach. One more tiiii-iiiiiime.
(The Stomach Song)
Written 12 December 2003

One time, I asked my mom and dad to "play the stomach song again!," while we were listening to the Eagles.
[Read Story]

Think of This, When you Smoke a Backhoe
Written 12 December 2003

The story of some misheard song lyrics, in which I confuse "Smoking Tobacco" with "Smoking a Backhoe," whch led to me asking my mom one morning, "Mom, how does someone smoke a backhoe, anyway?"
[Read Story]

Getting Kicked Out of School
Written 12 December 2003

The story of how when I was in nursery school (preschool), the combination of some parental joking about getting kicked out of school and a scene from an Eddie Murphy movie that I accidentally saw on TV turned scary.
[Read Story]